My Baby Shower

Hello, lovelies!

As I'm coming close to the end of my pregnancy (6 weeks & 3 days to go!) My mum and best friend, who happens to be Bub's God Mother, threw me a baby shower at my mum's house on Sunday.

Both Bub and myself were thoroughly spoiled, and I cannot even begin to thank everyone who came enough for their generosity and kindness. I truly don't think we'll need to buy Bub any clothes for at least the next 9 months.

I've gathered together my favourite photos from the day, and thought I'd post them here just to keep them as a diary for myself, and Bub to see in a few years.

Baby Names We Love... But Won't Be Using

Hello, lovelies!

Now that we've finally, finally, settled on a name for our little boy, I thought I'd share the list we'd narrowed it down to before we finally got here.

When I say narrowed it down, I mean cut from roughly 100+ names for both girls and boys, who knew naming a Bubba would be so hard? I certainly didn't, and I was convinced I'd end up with a nameless child since even the ones I'd loved since childhood suddenly didn't seem right.

There's still every chance we'll end up picking something new again once he's made his appearance.

We'll start with girl's names:

• Autumn
• Rose
• Anastasia
• Indi
• India
• Nova
• Charlotte
• Kira
• Paige
• Darcy
• Victoria
• Scarlett
• Daisy
• Grace
• Delilah
• Delia

Boy's names:

• Grayson
• Fletcher
• Jack
• Bodhi
• Oliver
• Nathan
• Avery
• Robin
• Charlie
• Noah
• Leo
• Alfie

I've obviously left the name we've picked off here, since we're keeping it a surprise until he's here -- but these are what we'd managed to get it down to. A lot of names that I loved, James didn't like. A lot of names that James loved, I didn't like. It was a vicious cycle of "What about..." "Or maybe..." "This sounds nice..."

These posts are always so fun to read, so I figured I'd join in on the fun and make my own!

Hope you all have a lovely week! 

I'll see you all next time,

Ree xo

Depression in Pregnancy

Hello, lovelies.

Since I've just hit 30 weeks pregnant, I thought it was about time I actually sat and wrote up this post that I've been thinking about for a few weeks now.

Something I've really struggled with up until now -- depression whilst being pregnant.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was fairly young, and had come to terms with it and learned how to deal with it in my own way, and with the help of medications. What I didn't expect when I fell pregnant was how different it would feel being depressed whilst being pregnant. Seems like a silly thing, right? Your body is changing in so many different ways already and you're experiencing so many different hormones and emotions so extremely and intensly that of course your depression is going to feel different, but it just never clicked to me.

I'm the eldest girl in my family, and the first out of us all to be expecting. Out of all of my close friends I'm the first, and while I still have all of them for support and the unconditional love that can only come from family and friends you've grown up and changed with -- I feel very, very lonely. Which, I guess, I didn't expect either.

Loneliness is obviously something a lot of people with depression experience, even when you're surrounded by loved ones, but throw in this experience that none of the girls I'm close to can relate to yet... it feels very daunting. I love them to the ends of the Universe and back again, but that doesn't help when I have questions, or anxieties, or just need a good cry about how heavy my belly feels, because I feel like a burden. And while I do know people and am friends with people who have been pregnant, or are pregnant currently, there are some things that I feel I can't share with them, y'know?

Anxieties and worries present themselves in the strangest way when you're pregnant. Waking up on your right side instead of your left and worrying you've hurt your baby in some way. Haven't felt Bub kicking at the same time as you usually do? Something horrid has happened. Round ligament pain? Oh, God, I'm going into labour 10 weeks early.

I've found talking about being depressed quite a hard thing these last 30 weeks, because a lot of my worries and anxieties have been met with phrases like "But you're having a baby!" "You should be so happy!" "There are women who can't have kids, you know."

Yes, I know. I am happy. I'm ecstatic, and overwhelmed, and so grateful that I DO get to have children while so many women out there cannot, but does that mean my feelings of exhaustion and sadness and my overwhelming desire to stay in bed for the next week are to be entirely dismissed?

Being young as well, a lot of people have taken it upon themselves to ask me if I feel like I'm ruining my life by having children so early, or if I'd rather of sorted a career first, or travelled, and while I would still love to sort a career eventually, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do as a career, and I can do that with children. Funnily enough, also, kids can travel. Who knew, right? Having children is one of the only solid things I've been set on in my life, and I already know that having my little boy here is going to be the biggest blessing, and even more of a reason to go to Disney World. So, no, I don't feel like I'm ruining my life, thanks.

I think perhaps the point of this post is to make sure that at least one other person knows that depression and pregnancy, while not the best of friends, are entirely able to co-habit, because at first I could find nothing about how I was feeling and felt like a terrible person for being so sad and scared, despite being so overwhelmingly happy.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week, and happy Spring!

I'll see you all next time,

Ree xo

16 Weeks Pregnant Recap

Hello, lovelies!

Yep, that's right. I really am pregnant.

To say that I am over the moon is an understatement, so I figured why not start the new year off with a bang and get back into blogging since there is a very limited amount of things I can do now. (Not by my own chosing, my other half won't even let me vacuum.)

Anyway, I figured I would make my first blog of the year a recap on the last 16 (nearly 17) weeks of pregnancy, and wow, what a ride it's been.

I guess, thinking about it, the first time I kind of thought I might have been pregnant was the night of James and I's anniversary, we were going out for dinner and I just felt nauseous. I thought it might've been anxiety, so I pushed it to the side. A week later however, I was still nauseous and I hadn't come on. Tell tale signs right? So I was leaning over James' son's bed saying goodnight and I just got this over-whelming wave of sickness, like, it was wild, I had to sprint to the bathroom. We bought the test the next day, but I waited a few days before I took it.

2nd of October 2018 is the day we got our positive. I cried in the bathroom, and the kitchen, and the living room, and the bedroom. I was happy, of course, but I was terrified.

Telling my mum was... strange. Very strange. I know she struggled to come to terms with it, but she's all over the idea now, and is arguably a little bit more excited than I am.

We waited a few weeks to tell James' mum. Which I didn't want to, but James did, so we waited until I was about 8 weeks to tell her. She cried. Properly sobbed down the phone when we told her, which set me off.

Those weeks between 10 and 14 were truly some of the most emotional, stressful, and unstable of my life. We were between houses, as we hadn't signed anything on the house we now live in, I had lots of blood work done, I still felt sick all the time, I was struggling to come to terms with the changes my body was going through (that first 12 weeks of bloating, man,) and I was generally just run down with the cold and feeling pretty rubbish. I remember thinking "Pregnancy is meant to be beautiful, but I feel horrendous." a lot of the time, to the point I was dreading waking up in the mornings because I knew I was just going to feel worse.

Our 12 week scan came around and I had convinced myself that we were going to get there and they were going to tell me there was nothing there, that I was making things up and to go home. I've never been so nervous in my life. I've also never needed to pee QUITE that badly, but of course everything was fine, and Bubba was wriggling around quite happily. We're due on the 14th of June 2019, which at the time felt like ages away, but now that it is actually 2019, feels like no time at all. Yikes?

At 14 weeks we moved into our new house, and things started to get a lot better. I found I had a bit more energy, I was managing to eat a bit more and more often, and I started to feel happier now that we had our own space back and I could start to organise myself and picture myself with a baby.

15 weeks brought Christmas, and I can honestly say I've never had just so many people grabbing at my belly before. I definitely started showing this week, and everyone knew it. It was a very, very bizarre experience, especially when people started telling me I looked bigger than I was. Struggling with my body image is still quite prominant, however I am starting to come to terms with the fact my belly is getting bigger, and I have stretch marks, and that I can't fit into a lot of my clothes.

This week is 16 weeks, and as I'm writing this I am 16 + 4, which is just... wild. I've been feeling more exhausted this week again which hasn't been fun, but I'm not complaining about the naps I've been getting to have. I'm also starting to get a little uncomfortable when I'm trying to sleep, as I can't sleep on my stomach anymore and I've been getting quite bad acid whenever I lie down, but I guess that's just part and parcel of this whole journey. I have my 16 week midwife appointment on Monday, even though I'll technically be past 17 weeks by then, and then our gender scan next Saturday.

Bets are on about wether we're having a boy or a girl. I'm saying boy, but James is convinced they're a girl, so we shall see.

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas and New Year, and I'm so excited to share this with you this year.

See you soon!

Ree x