Hello, lovelies!
On the 24th of June, ten days after my due date, at 04:54am, my partner and I welcomed our son, Caelan, into the world. Now he's four weeks old, I figured it was time to sit and write this all down. Partly so I can read it and look back on it later, and partly so I can show it to him in years to come.
Saturday 22nd of June
After a day of reduced movement, I phoned maternity triage at about 10pm. Because I'd already tried all the usual tricks to get him moving -- cold water, lying on my left, eating something sugary -- they told me to pop in so they could check me over. Thankfully, my best friend, Eve, had her car that weekend and was able to come and pick us up. We arrived at triage at 10:45pm, and got strapped up to a monitor straight away.
Two hours of monitoring later, they said everything was fine and I was alright to go home, but they needed to take my blood pressure one last time before we did, which is when everything started to go a little bit pear shaped. They don't know why, but my blood pressure had sky rocketed, and since I was already so over-due, they decided to induce me then and there. Panic stations, lads, since we didn't bring any of our hospital bags with us. So, James and Eve had to run back home at nearly 1am to get our bags, and I was admited and taken to the early labour ward.
2:45am, a midwife came in and put in my pessary, which was possibly the most uncomfortable experience of my life, and I had to stay awake for an hour after that to make sure my body didn't reject it. It didn't, thankfully, and I finally got to sleep about 6am. Sleeping in hospitals isn't the easiest, but luckily we had a private room so James was allowed to stay with me.
Sunday 23rd of June
Quite possibly the slowest day of my life. My mum and auntie came to the hospital at 11am when visiting hours started so James could go home and shower. I spent the day walking around, bouncing on a maternity ball, and trying my hardest to force down the sorry attempt at hospital food. Because it was a Sunday they were doing a roast dinner, but I only had roast potatoes and gravy. It was dire, and I'll probably have emotional scars for the rest of my life from it. Seriously. Yikes.
At around 3:30/4pm I started to get noticeable contractions, which was exciting, but terrifying, since I wasn't entirely sure what they were going to feel like due to being induced. I'd heard that induction makes them worse, but to start with they really did just feel like annoying, uncomfortable but ignorable period pains.
As the evening went on they got more and more uncomfortable. At 10pm I asked to go into the ward bath, as my contractions were getting more and more frequent and a fair bit more painful. The hot water helped a lot, and I spent a good hour or so in there before I went back to the room, and started on gas & air, which definitely took the edge off the pain for a little while. I didn't last long after that, maybe two hours before I asked for pain-killers, which was annoying because I was so convinced I wanted to do it drug-free and as naturally as possible. The midwife at the time suggested I try another bath, which I did, however half an hour in I was starting to feel like I was going to crack from the pain, and like I needed to start pushing, so I was smacking the midwife alarm like a crazy lady.
When I got back to the room it was about 3:30 in the morning, and they finally gave me some morphine -- let me tell you guys it was the best thing in the world, completely knocked me out. Between contractions I was having little cat naps, and only woke up properly when a midwife, who was the sweetest woman EVER, came in to check me, I was four and a half centimetres dilated, and give me some more morphine. Twenty minutes later I was screaming that I needed to push, so a doctor came in to check me, and this is when everything started to go crazy.
Monday 24th of June
Twenty minutes is all it took for me to go from four and a half centemitres, to fully dilated. I very vividly remember the doctor looking at the midwife and saying "Well I don't know what your four and a half centimetres feel like, but she's fully dilated and this baby is coming."
I spent an hour pushing, and it was a pain unlike any I've ever experienced. I truly cannot describe it, and I don't think I ever will be able to. I started to lose momentum then, and was begging for them to help me. It was 4am, and the doctor said she could go and check to see if theatre was free for a forceps delivery. I was desperate at that point, nearing 26 hours since my pessary was put in, and agreed. Another 35 minutes passed before I was taken down to theatre, and the five minutes between leaving the room and getting the spinal block put in were hellish, because I couldn't take the gas & air with me, and the second lot of morphine had worn off already.
James was brought into theatre, and I spent the whole time focussing on him, and the next thing I knew, I was being told my baby's head was born. My first question? "Is he real?"
This is where everything starts to get a bit fuzzy, so I'm going to base this entirely off what James and my mum have told me.
We were taken back to the room, and I tried to give Caelan his first feed, but I was still numb from the boobs down so James gave him a bottle. I was lying in the bed, and completely lost all colour, and couldn't focus on anything. Everything sounded like it was miles away, my head felt like I was underwater, and when I looked at my mum I was seeing four of her. She ran to get the midwife, who came and checked on me and hit the panic button, and before they knew what was happening, nine doctors were in the room with me.
Turns out, my uterus haemoraged pretty badly, and in the 45 minutes between Caelan being born and then, I lost nearly a litre and a half of blood very quickly. I ended up needing two transfusions, a lot of fluids, was given a cathater, heart monitors, pressure monitors, and I really didn't realise at the time just how awful it was. It wasn't until the next day that the doctors told me that I could have died. What a scary thought, right?
We were kept in hospital until Wednesday the 26th, under extremely close watch and near hourly check ups for the first twenty four hours. I had to give myself at home injections to stop blood clots for ten days after we got home, and am now officially on iron tablets for the rest of my life.
It's been four weeks now, and every day I'm starting to feel more and more like myself again. It's been the toughest, most emotional, longest yet fastest and best time of my life. Being a new mother is hard, and I know people told me constantly how difficult it would be, but I truly never expected this.
Caelan Craig Thomas Stewart, you are the light of my life, and I've never felt a love like the love I have for you, my little prince. I would go to the end of the earth for you. I would go through that labour a million more times for you. I am so glad you are my baby boy. I love you.
