Saturday, 17 December 2016
12 Days of Blogmas: Day 5 - Chronic Illness Doesn't Take a Break For The Holidays
I'm not one to really complain about things, but today's post is going to be complaining. I hope you don't mind.
I suffer from Fibromyalgia. "But Ree, what even is that?" I hear you ask, well, it's a rheumatic muscle medical condition that is characterised by wide spread pain and increased pain response to pressure on the body. Also can cause migraines, insomnia, depression, memory problems, sensitivity to noise and light, and in my case - IBS. Fun, right?
I wish I could say it takes a break for the holidays, and everything is fun and merry and I can go shopping and visit family without being in pain, but it doesn't, and I can't. My day shopping on Thursday (two days ago) is the reason why I'm on the sofa today, with a V-shaped pillow helping me sit up right, having to have everything I need within arms reach, and wishing I hadn't fallen up the stairs on my way to the bathroom.
While diet changes and life style changes have helped in the way I deal with certain aspects of this, it doesn't make it go away. Pain killers don't make it go away, anti-depressants don't make it go away, and lying in bed all day feeling sorry for myself certainly doesn't make it go away - however the latter is sometimes necessary. My legs just don't like working sometimes.
Of course there are days where it's not as bad, and those are the days I try to get most things done. Clean, work-out, shop, write, see family and friends - everything. Sometimes if I'm lucky I get two of those days in a row, and then I really go crazy, but once those days are done and dusted, it can take me a week, or longer, to recover. There are days where I don't feel like throwing all my clothes in the bin because even just wearing a tshirt makes me upper body feel like there's an elephant sitting on it. There are days when I can give my mum a proper hug because having someone else touch me doesn't send firey sparks right through me. There are days, but those days are few and far in between.
You learn to live with it, but at 20 years old I do get upset with the fact that, well, I do just have to live with it. I'd love to be able to not cancel plans, not have to message my friends saying "I'm so sorry but I can't walk", "I know you wanted to go out, but can we just watch movies at mine instead?", I wish I didn't have to have a wheelchair card for if I'm in town and start to struggle walking.
I don't want to make this post too long, because I know people can only read "woe is me" type posts for so long, but getting this off my chest is incredibly therapeutic for me.
So, I'll leave this here, in hopes that if you have friends, family, or even just acquaintances with a chronic illness, you don't get annoyed with them during the holiday's. They would love to come see you, come Christmas shopping with you, come on a night out with you, but sometimes, we just can't.
I'll see you all tomorrow for Blogmas Day 6!